


how a face can change when a heart knows fear

by writerblender



Series: aren't we just terrified? [1]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Season/Series 02, Season/Series 03 Spoilers, alright i have no more tags this is just self indulgent you're all welcome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-26
Updated: 2019-06-26
Packaged: 2020-05-19 22:22:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19365040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writerblender/pseuds/writerblender
Summary: Steve doesn't have time to imagine any more. He's barely a step forward when the lights around him explode with the effort — on Jane or Billy's part, he never has time to figure out.Jane screams and the universe roars back.[or, the mindflayer wants a new host and the party just wants billy back]





	how a face can change when a heart knows fear

The Starcourt Mall is on fire. Steve wonders, for a brief moment, if he'll still have a job if he survives the night, before Robin's screams bring him back to reality. She's trying to help Jonathan drag Dustin, who is yelling bloody murder towards Steve, to safety and the look she sends to him says it all.

_Hurry up or we're all going to die here._

...

 

The worst part of it all — the worst thing — Steve thinks is that he had no idea until it was too late. Billy had seemed  _normal_ even until up to the end. Sure, Billy had been an asshole. He'd been his usual cocky self. He'd worn long sleeves but Steve had accredited it all to Neil. He was the one who was supposed to be there for Billy; he had promised to protect and take care of him and broken every one of them. He'd made excuses for Heather's disappearance and believed the best of Billy, even when the signs began pointing more and more to Billy. He'd thought he'd done everything right.

He couldn't have been more wrong. 

...

"Billy!" Steve yells across the food court, above the ruckus of the massive monster that refuses to be injured by any amount of ammunition  and the screaming of the humans fighting it against all odds. He must be loud enough, however, because Billy's head turns to look at him from where he's been surveying the destruction he's caused silently. "I know you're in there!"

" _That's_ your fucking plan?!" Robin screams hysterically as she pushes Will towards the door, both of their eyes wild with fear.

Billy smirks in her direction, prompting her to grab Mike's shirt and yank _hard_ , before he turns to Steve. "Sorry, pretty boy." Behind Steve, the monster roars with newfound anger. "Nobody's home."

...

“Nobody’s home, Harrington,” Billy had huffed, impatience thick in his voice. “Let’s just _go_.”

“No, no, no —,” Steve protested, reaching to grab Billy’s shoulder and stop him from leaving the front porch. “Robin promised she’d be here at 3 o’clock. Just give her a minute.” His other hand curled into Billy’s shirt. He had wanted to lean forward, press their foreheads together and kiss him, but they were in public, in a neighborhood, on someone’s front porch. They couldn't afford a PDA or any body language where Steve looked like more than just a wingman or teammate. Even _that_ was pushing it. 

The door opened and the girl in the doorway, whose name - Steve’s brain had supplied him - is Nora, stared at them both through suspicious eyes. 

“Yes?” She asked, gaze flickering from Billy and remaining on Steve. She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear but it falls back immediately — too short to be pinned down.

“Will you go to prom with me?” Billy asked bluntly and Nora blinked at him. 

“Is this a joke?” She demanded, eyes hardening and Steve stepped in, moving in front of Billy to be in her direct line of vision. 

“No! Robin sent us,” Steve tried and Nora’s eyebrows disappeared behind her bangs.

“ _Robin_ sent you?” She parroted back angrily and Steve scrambled to recover what little he can.

“I’m Steve,” he tried. “I work with her at the mall. I’m _her_ prom date.”

At that, Nora’s eyes lit up with recognition. Steve knew Robin had detailed their crafted plan to the other girl; if Hawkins High wouldn’t let them go together, they’d both take each others'. Nobody could stop them from making out in the bathroom once they were inside. Robin and Steve had been an instant, believable decision. Getting Billy and Robin’s girlfriend together — not as much. Steve imagined she’d only detailed the plan so far, leaving Nora to be surprised by an invitation.

“So that makes you my date. Lucky me,” Nora deadpanned to Billy. When he smiled at her, ever the charmer, her eyes narrowed again. “Didn’t you get suspended from school last week?”

“Yes, I did,” Billy responded, voice giving away how proud he really is of the fact, and lifted the small bouquet of flowers they bought for her earlier. Robin had picked it for them.

“Fuckin’ A. My dad will _hate_ you,” Nora said softly, taking the flowers from him gently. The smile on her face was nothing but mischievous; Steve thought, in another world, they’d have been perfect for each other. “You can pick me up at 7, pretty boy.”

Their plan had worked perfectly; the pictures of Steve and Robin and Billy and Nora had sated their parents and chaperones and the others Will had taken were just for them. No one had noticed Steve and Billy disappear to his Camaro halfway through the night and no one had been the wiser when Nora and Robin had intertwined their fingers under the table.

Later that summer, when Robin and Steve had showed up at Nora's house one night, covered in demogorgon guts and both shaken behind belief, Steve had tearfully disclosed the truth of the Upside Down and how desperate he was to try to save Billy before the Mind Flayer took total control of him and killed him. Nora had only paused from taking care of Robin to give him a sad, knowing smile.

"I think the real Billy Hargrove died long before you ever met him," Nora had sighed and the pain in Steve's chest only grew.

...

Steve can't help but wonder how fast the tables have turned as he pulls Max, quite literally kicking and screaming, towards the front gates.

"Let's go, kid!" Hopper roars from between the two sets of doors. "We gotta move — _now_!"

"Let me go!" Max screams, hand latching to the metal frame of the glass door, which has long been shattered. "He's my _brother_! Let me go, Steve!"

" _Jesus_ ," Steve whispers under his breath as she gets another hand around the frame. She's putting up a fight that Steve wants to give into himself and, with all the strength and fight left in him, he pulls hard once, effectively breaking her grip and sending them both crashing to the floor. Still in his ams, Max lets out a howl of pain from her hands and heart. Steve can't blame her — wants to lay down and scream with her at the unfairness of it all — but he pulls himself to his feet, dragging a defeated Max with him.

He's almost out of the door — finally — when he sees Jane pushing past them, hands curled into fists at her sides, face set and determined.

"No!" Hopper roars, only to be stopped by Murray and Jonathan's hands on his shoulders. El's the best of them; if anyone can fight the monster that's found its home in Billy's chest, it's her.

Jane takes her final step towards Billy, knuckles white, and for the first time that night, Billy moves to meet her. 

...

"Let him go."

Jane's voice is just as firm as her stance and Steve thinks, if anyone else were facing her, they'd be cowering in fear. Then again, Billy's always been too brave for his own good; he wonders how much is monster and how much is man.

"He let me in," Billy draws. "I gave him everything he wanted." His eyes travel past Jane to where Steve and Max are still frozen in the doorway, watching in horror. "I set him free. He has to let me stay."

"He doesn't have us," Jane spits. "He needs us."

"He doesn't need anything anymore," Billy retorts. Steve hates the calm of his voice; the Billy he knows —the Billy he loves — has always been buzzing with energy, feet tapping and fingers drumming, ready to go at a moment's notice. This voice isn't the same one that Steve fell in love with. "Especially not some _kid_."

"Billy," Jane repeats.

"You think he cares about any of you?" Billy continues. "You're just a freak he felt sorry for."

"Let him _go_."

Behind Jane, the monster bellows. Steve wonders if it's working as Hopper picks up his fight against Jonathan and Murray.

"Do you think he loved any of you?" Billy laughs, something low and dark, and Steve's gut sinks again. In his arms, Max sobs.

"I said, let _my_ _friend_ go."

"He killed his mother. We killed Neil," Billy says. "And now we're going to kill all of you."

The monster growls, low and deep and terrible, and turns to the Party.

"Steve!" Robin screams, already pushing Will and Lucas towards Hop's still running truck. She grabs Dustin's collar next, eyes set with a newfound determination as Nancy shoves a protesting Mike to the bed of the truck. She's braver than Steve ever gave her proper credit for. "Let's _go_!"

Max has started to resist Steve again through her tears, hysterical and unrelenting. Steve decides against looking back over his shoulder; he wants his last image of Billy — because he _knows_ that if it comes down to it, Jane _will_ kill him —to be the way he knows Billy would want him to remember him, safe and half-asleep in Steve's bed, smiling into their kiss —

Steve doesn't have time to imagine any more. He's barely a step forward when the lights around him explode with the effort — on Jane or Billy's part, he never has time to figure out.

Jane screams and the universe roars back.

...

When Jane opens her eyes, she is surrounded by darkness. She's lying in a shallow pool of water, soaking her clothes and sneakers as she sits up and tries to gather herself. She knows this place well; it _is_ in her own mind. Still, she's never found anything  _good_ here — only pain and heartbreak and fear can live and thrive here. She’s just stood up, Converse squeaking against the non-existent floor when she hears it.

“Jane?” It’s quiet but Jane’s ears echo with the singular word. She turns to find Billy staring at her in shock, only a short distance away. Even from here, she can see how tired he looks.

Jane doesn’t say anything, just races toward him, footsteps echoing even louder than his words, and throws her arms around his torso in a tight hug.

It takes a few seconds for Billy to respond to the gesture but when he wraps his arms around her shoulders, his hands are shaking. 

“We knew you were in here!” Jane says, pulling away from the hug to beam at him. When she looks up, Billy’s eyes are wet. “Steve and Max and Will — we never gave up — !”

“Jane,” Billy says softly. It shuts her up instantly. He bends down, kneeling on one knee to be eye-level with her as he continues. “I can’t come back with you.”

“Yes, you can,” Jane spits. “I came here to get you back.”

“Jane, I’ve done some really fucked up shit this time,” Billy closes his eyes briefly at this, wincing silently, and Jane doesn’t need to know he means the missing lifeguard, Heather, and his father. She watched Heather die in the same place that they stand now. She saw the aftermath of his father's death when Steve came to pick up Max. Jane had seen a lot of death and destruction in her life but she'd never seen that  _much_ blood before.

“Not _you_. Not your fault!” Jane protests, hands coming up to grip his shoulders firmly, and Billy sighs.

“I can’t go back, Jane. Not with… this thing still out there. You won’t be able to stop it and none of your friends are gonna either. You have to kill it now.”

“But…” Jane stutters weakly. Her fingers curl into the fabric of his shirt and Billy gives her a sad smile, hands coming up to encircle her smaller wrists gently. 

“If you kill its host, it’ll die. It’s not strong enough without me. It needs me to survive — and it needs me to die.”

“Billy — !”

Before Jane can offer any sort of proper rebuttal, she feels a harsh tug around her abdomen. Someone back in the real world is dragging her out of the mall, to safety somewhere else. They’re dragging her _away_ from Billy. She doesn’t have much time left.

Billy seems to know without words. He just gives her another sad smile, hand coming up to ruffle her hair. “Tell Harrington not to cry too much over me. I was never worth a pretty boy like his time. Take care of Max. She’ll need it.”

Jane’s vision is fading around her. She doesn't have to look down to know that the rest of her is disappearing. Billy looks over his shoulder, expression darkening as he realizes what awaits him. Jane desperately doesn’t want to leave. Once she’s gone, he’ll be alone for good.

“Give it hell, kid.”

…

Jane wakes up in the bed of Hopper’s truck, watching stars and trees zip past her as it speeds down the road.

“Eleven! Eleven! Are you okay?” Mike’s voice fills her ears as his face floods her line of vision.

Jane doesn’t answer. Instead, she lets herself cry.

… 

They’re gathered in the Byers’ living room, all quiet as Jane recants what she’s learned. The air around them seems heavier when they realize the gravity of the situation. Max cries quietly on the sofa, Lucas doing little to successfully comfort her.

“So that’s it?” Robin huffs quietly once Jane’s finished. “We did all this for nothing? He’s just gonna die anyway?”

“I like it as much as you do, kid,” Hopper responds first. Steve's noticed he's been looking for cigarettes all night; Billy can no longer feed his bad habit. Maybe, he thinks, they'll miss him in more ways than one. “But we don’t have many other options left.”

“What about getting it out of him?” Nancy pipes up from where she’s standing next to Jonathan. Steve turns to look at her, eyes widening in pleasant surprise. Nancy is the last person he'd expect to keep up the fight for Billy's survival. “Like we did with Will?” 

“Yeah,” Will agrees, nodding eagerly. His eyes flood with hope, for even a second. Steve knows that Will has taken a quiet liking to the older boy— has a sinking suspicion that he sees himself in Billy somewhere, _somehow_. “We could!”

“I can’t close the gate,” Jane says miserably. Mike keeps an arm wrapped around her waist protectively, despite not looking too upset himself with the thought of Billy dying. “We have to kill it or it will find a new host. It _has to_ die.”

“We can’t kill it once it’s outside of him?” Robin asks. Steve thinks he loves her.

“Yeah, because you saw how well we took down that monster an hour ago,” Jonathan deadpans.

“We have to kill it,” Max says quietly but firmly. The room turns to look at her in unison and she picks up her head, hands wiping the tears off her cheeks quickly. “It’s what my brother wants. We end it tomorrow.”

…

That night, sandwiched between Robin and Dustin on the floor of the Byers’ living room, Steve stays awake and prays tomorrow never comes.

**Author's Note:**

> it's been confirmed that billy and jane have a huge arc / relationship in season 3 and all i can say is... my influence !!!!!!
> 
>  
> 
> also yes i will be writing another part to this - it has a title already and it's gonna be from billy's perspective and i probs won't write it until after s3 comes out bc i don't know if i'm gonna kill billy or not... also my oc lesbian daughter nora will probably make another appearance bc i love her and you can pry her from my cold dead hands
> 
>  
> 
> always on my bullshit on tumblr @ wndasmaximoffs
> 
> comments / kudos fill the void in my heart that billy's death in s3 will create
> 
> title of this fic comes from "cecila and the satelitte" by andrew mcmahon in the wilderness


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